When I think of all the embarrassing things that have happened to me in my life … well, it’s a long list – but I always think of one of my favourite TV characters from back-in-the-day, ‘Kylie Mole’ – she goes, she goes, she goes, she just went … “How embarrassment!” 🙂
Last week, when I read Kirsty from My Home Truths, I Must Confess linkup for this week was embarrassing moments, two things jumped straight to mind, the third got lost in a myriad of cringe worthy memories & by this stage, more likely repressed half truths! Then yesterday, something happened to make me blush – thus sending me a message that I must indeed confess a [very] small collection of my most “how embarrassment” moments!
A trampoline & a toot
When I was a teenager, life was a little on the tough side. I was extremely shy & introverted & not very popular in school because I was also the ‘fat kid’. I found it hard to make friends & always tried my best to do everything & anything not to stand out. I’m not looking for sympathy here, it was what it was. I just want to set this up so that you can possibly understand the depth of my teenage mortification & embarrassment at what happened.
One thing folks around my small home town did like about me, was that we had a big trampoline in the back yard, which happened to have the local motel in front of it, which my parents ran. A lot of the local kids used to stop in & have a play. Having had the trampoline for a long time, I was actually pretty good at doing tricks like front somersaults, ‘bummers’, knee flips & back drops. Once day I was playing on it & a couple of kids from school dropped in to have a bounce.
Being me, I quickly hopped out of the way & let them have a turn, smiling to myself & enjoying the company. They asked me to show them how to do a back drop & flip. I was ecstatic that they wanted me involved & jumped as high as I could trying to impress them! I leaned backwards & tucked my legs up, feeling care free & happy, then just as my back hit the mat & I curled myself tight to flip up & over, I let out a considerable ‘toot’ from my backside.
The instant blush & sense of humiliation engulfed me, not only did I fart in front of ‘potential’ friends, I then lost my concentration & subsequently landed on my head & then awkwardly came to land in the springs on the side (this was a pre-any-kind-of-safety-mats type trampoline).
With no grace at all, I dragged myself back onto the trampoline & tried to pretend like nothing had happened, even feigning a really, really bad attempt at, “What? What’s so funny?”. Later after the kids had stopped laughing & left, I cried for hours! Hooowww embarrassment!!
Now I have had two children & lost any sense of modesty when it comes to any & all bodily functions, I can laugh – but back then, not so much! 🙂
A brown & a black boot
My working life has not been short on embarrassing moments either, unfortunately! I am naturally awkward & clumsy, so there have been mishaps aplenty with trips, bumps, chair ‘stacks’ & whacks. Keeping this in mind, it might then make sense that I am not all that comfortable in a corporate setting – all formal suits & confident attitudes. I am more at home with jeans, a hoody & a pair of Vans or Converse & a good book!
Anyhoo … we all have to work & I had made a path for myself working in Human Resources. My first Senior Management position was in my early 30’s – God, that seems such a long time ago – & it was a government department, where power suits & high heels were the go for most women. Being me, I felt I should at least try to fit in, so I kitted out my wardrobe with suitable attire, including some gorgeous, kick-butt, patent leather, pointy toed, high heels boots, that I struggled to walk in, but I could manage to not look too ridiculous in, (I think!?!). I loved the boots so much I got a pair in black & brown. See where I’m going with this …. ?
One day I was to attend an executive meeting with lots of important people, who had lots of serious things to say. I was already feeling anxious & out of my depth, but I decided, in the wee hours of the morning while getting ready, I should bolster myself by looking the part too. This would help, I was sure of it. I quickly dressed & put on my kick-butt boots & off I went to the meeting.
I was feeling nervous, but good, I was shaking all the right hands, smiling at all the right comments, schmoozing the right schmoozers. It was as we were sitting down to get on to the serious stuff, I looked down while crossing my legs. I did a double take, then realised that, yes, I was wearing one black & one brown boot. At this point I snorted, all eyes turning towards me. I then started to giggle, many brows then furrowing in my general direction. I then went to cackle-land, while pointing wordlessly at my feet, this got me some smiles, but many shakes of the head. I then excused myself & headed for the Ladies Room to, as they say in Play School, “shake my sillies out”.
By the time I returned, the meeting was in full swing & I slunk back in, all red-cheeked & meek. Later on, my boss came over & put his arm around me with a smile & said, “at least they are the same style of boot Jodie”. Thankfully he was a great boss, with a wicked sense of humour. Regretfully, he never let me live it down! Hoooowww embarrassment!
Judging by the pic above, I might just have been ahead of my time in the fashion stakes! 😉
A looky-loo while on the loo(t)
So then … yesterday was Sunday & after a long week with sick children, sick daddy & sick mumma, a quiet afternoon was in order. The little ones were sleeping, daddy was pottering in his man cave & I decided an afternoon nap would be a very good idea!
Said nap completed, all was still quiet, so I headed off to do what most of us do when we wake … have a little ‘tinkle on the toilee’. Interestingly, for some reason I closed the door. Any parent will likely nod at this, you see, I am so used to having company when I go, that these days I often don’t even bother closing the door – it is usually unceremoniously swung wide open within seconds anyway! For what ever reason, door closed, I was sitting there, still feeling cloudy with sleep, a head cold & no doubt cushion-face from laying on my side comatose on the couch. In short, not such a good look to be sure!
Somewhere in my sleep addled brain I begin to hear voices outside the door. While I registered this, I didn’t worry too much, I have a partner & a son. Within seconds the door is swung open & a boy & a man are looking in on me in all my sleepy, pants down, toilet going glory. For a short moment, I was like, “Meh … situation normal”. But then it struck me – this was not my boy, or my man. Oh shit & shinola … I am sitting here looking into the eyes of my friend & his son, while I am ON THE TOILET!!!!!”
I am not sure who was more embarrassed, the dad or me! Amongst a flurry of, oh sorry, so sorry, ahhh, oh & the shutting of doors, I managed to collect myself & my pants & attempted to stroll nonchalantly out of the loo to face my onlookers, with a dismissive wave of my hand & a rambling off-topic conversation that I can barely recall! Later, my partner J comes in with a grin & says, “I hear you got caught out – lucky we’re all parents huh!?!”
Parents yes, but this was not my parent or my child!! Hooowwww embarrassment!!!
There they are … my ‘I must confess’ most embarrassing moments!
Come on over to My Home Truths & join us for a rollicking good laugh at me & anyone else crazy enough to share!!